There are only a few things that we wear day after day, possibly every day: a ring, a handbag, a trench coat or overcoat, dress shoes. Many people take particular care when selecting these items, looking for versatility and longevity, and spend more for the highest quality so that they present well.
But what is something that we are seen with every single day, throughout the day?
The cell phone.
And how does that cell phone fit into your wardrobe? YoUR lOoK?
We are probably going to divide into two distinct camps here: the I-Don’t-Give-a $&@# camp and the My-iPhone-Cover-Is-My-Surrogate camp. I fall into the second camp, but I feel like a fool about that.
My first cell phone was a cherry red Nokia 5110. I loved that phone.
The Red Phone was replaced with a silver flip phone that had a camera. Then I got an iPhone 5, for which I bought a beautiful anodized red case. Unfortunately, I left the case in the sun (while the phone was wearing it) and it blistered, which surprised and unnerved me. A series of uninspired, and not anodized, cases followed.
I upgraded to an iPhone 7 three months ago. Looking for RED, I bought a red-seeming Otter Box at the Verizon store and hated it before I’d even arrived at home. From this point, I entered a half-life purgatory of longing and searching for an iPhone case that was both capable of delighting me and expressing the essence of my person in clear and unequivocal terms to everyone I might encounter during the day.
There are so many options on the Internet that I — YOOX Scavenger — felt overwhelmed. So I launched a targeted search beginning with “most stylish iPhone cases” on Google. This led me to curated collections by Wired, Vogue, Harper’s, and similar authorities.
This, in turn, led me to Society6, which narrowed my search down to approximately one million options, most of which can be printed on not only an iPhone cover but also a mug, t-shirt, throw pillow, and shower curtain.
If the case were selected purely for my amusement, and would not be seen by others, I might choose this one. It makes me laugh every time I see it.
But the case is seen by everyone: work colleagues, clients, neighbors, the cats. So: reSpECtabLe!
Or, at least, Not Bonkers.
Visual harmony is important to me. I find it soothing. I wanted a case that would go with pretty much anything. Is that possible?
A neutral color or metallic would, but . . . so dull.
Since I wear lots of neutrals, I thought to go with color. And because I like abstract and contemporary art, I decided to look for a tiny piece of original art.
I picked this. Picture it with pinstripes.
But would it clash horribly on the occasions when I wear a print?
At this point, The Photographer said, “Why buy just one?”
Can you guess how quickly this spun out of control?
I picked this abstract in neutral colors. Picture this with The Pieced Wonder.
And then this person, floating in the cosmos alone, weightless, adrift, spoke to me. Some days I feel like that.
I love maps, so my last selection was this freehand diagram of our solar system, with Pluto reinstated as a planet.
Here, The Photographer lodged a protest.
He said, “Space is my thing.”
ArE yOU iNSane? Star Wars and Star Trek belong to you, but not SPACE.
And thus, another piece of evidence demonstrating that everyone is crazy.
I challenge you, Dear Readers, to share your cell phone agonies: the stupidest and most superficial questions you’ve asked yourself, the unfulfilled desires you’ve suppressed, the longest moments of indecision you’ve experienced, your most intense regrets . . . over a $20-30 expenditure.
Coda: Will I ever change my cell phone cover to coordinate with a particular outfit? Probably not. I just like the possibility of doing so.
Have. A. Fantastic. Holiday. Weekend.